Crocheted Shorts Review

When a link for this site landed in my in-box, my first reaction was somewhere between appaled and lust, admittedly with latter being the dominant emotion.

But first I had to navigate Etsy after a couple of  beers.

I’ll admit, as a first-time user I got distracted for a good six hours checking out all the other crazy stuff on the site (a bamboo iPhone speaker…what?!?), but finally made my way back to LordvonSchmitt’s site for crocheted shorts and bodysuits.

The shorts were $50 with a box left open for me to add “details” like size and color. Since each pair is made individually from old afghans, there is a level of customization, so I just asked mine to be “32 inch waist. I’m going to run long distances in them. Please make ’em short and funky.” That final request seemed a bit redundant, given my order.

I received an email back from the designer confirming color availability, but really left it open to them and honestly didn’t really know what to expect.  About ten days later, these beauties landed in my mailbox, straight from the hippie Northern California town of Nevada City.


Fit and Feel

These things look huge.  A combination of the material and the non-elastic waist, these are not your average running shorts.

The shorts are fastened with a ribbon that’s tied up front, and I’m happy to say it does a really good job.  Since the shorts are so heavy, the string needs to be pulled and tied taut, and I’ve had no issues with it breaking or slipping loose.

Drawstring detail
Drawstring detail

I’ve got pretty thin legs, and these fit me pretty tight–moreso than other running shorts.  For length, they fall about the same distance down my thighs as other shorts.

Waist-wise, these would fit anyone from a 32″ to probably a 48″ diameter.  Not saying the legs would fit, but the waist has a lot of give.

They’re also pretty well made. I’ll admit that my wardrobe closet is lacking in the crocheted clothing section, so I’ve been picking these apart trying to understand how they’re made.  It seems that the only non-crocheted part to them is a bit of extra-strength thread added to the hem around the waist. Smart!

Extra stitching around the waist.
Extra stitching around the waist.

The shorts are a lot less-revealing that I expected. Still, I wear a pair of “biking shorts” underneath to keep everything hidden and in place.  I’ve gone on a  20 mile run in them and had no weird chafing or rubbing.


The only area of discomfort is where the thick yarn is bunched up and feels like a load of crap sitting in my grundle.  Once I became comfortable with that feeling, there were no further issues.

Do these crocheted running shorts make my butt look big?
Do these crocheted running shorts make my butt look big?



Made with “yarn and love.”

No elastic at all, which makes them look HUGE on the ground.

10oz (for reference, most shorts are about 4.5 oz)

No pockets


Yellow, orange, white, pink,brown, maroon, green, tan, dark blue, light blue, lime green, and black.

I’ve been told that the pattern is a combination of double and triple stitch.


Probably not very washable.  I suppose when they get stanky I’ll hand wash them with some Woolite then hang-dry them.

Available here.


“They make your upper legs and crotch look fat. You’re not wearing those outside are you? Those are ridiculous.”–Sam (my wife.)

“Cool! Where’d you get those shorts?” –Hippie mom at Kindergarten dropoff

“Did you see that fool’s shorts?” –Passing cyclist

“Must have!” –Facebook friend

“I like your rainbow shorts!” –My 5 year old daughter Sunny


These shorts wouldn’t be described as “subtle” by anyone.  They’re actually pretty comfortable to run in and wear, but they do require a certain acceptance of societal discomfort.  They’d be perfect for the Burning Man Ultra, Born to Run Ultras, or any other place where fitting in just isn’t on the agenda.

Now go out and run.




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